Whether you are in a relationship, single, a CEO of a company, a janitor, a mother, a brother, your emotional intelligence plays a major role in everything you do.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is how were are able to identify and manage our emotions, personal competence, and how we gauge other’s emotions and manage our relationships emotionally, social competence.
The Emotional Intelligence Appraisal is the assessment and measurement to determine a person’s Emotional Intelligence. The Appraisal divides the results into four categories, self-awareness, self-management, social-awareness, and relationship management. I have attached the book and test link at the end of this blog, if you are interested in finding out your score!
Thankfully, unlike our IQ, our EQ changes as we learn how to manage our emotions and relationships. I had not realize the importance of Emotional Intelligence until one of my co-workers recommended reading The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book.
I have always avoided negative emotions
I don’t know when it started, but I try to prevent negative emotions by planning ahead or, when they occur, suppressing them, which in turn results in them appearing unexpectedly later on. Growing up, it was not reinforced that emotions were a good thing. I had always heard that “emotions are not truth and they don’t change anything.”
I did not realize how wrong this mindset was until the past few years when I have had friends say otherwise. One of my best friends and roommates last year especially helped reinforce the importance of emotions, positive or negative. After reading The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book, I realize even more so how important emotions are and especially how we manage them.
The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book states that our limbic system is the area of our brain that our emotions occur, they then travel to the frontal lobe, where we reason. Our emotions should be a guide for our next action. If a situation makes someone angry, there is a reason that this was the emotion that occurred. This emotion will either stir the person to act, rightly or wrongly, or freeze, depending on how they process their anger.
So how does it effect me?
Our emotional intelligence guides the way that we manage our emotions, respond to others, start and build relationships, our roles at work, how we parent.
If we don’t know how to manage our emotions, it can lead to anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. This is because we have not learned how to appropriately identify our emotions, choose how to handle the emotion we are feeling, and how we will outwardly respond to those around us.
Growing up, we learn a lot of our emotional intelligence skills from our care takers. If our care takers have a higher EQ, than we will most likely have a higher EQ. Granted, society is constantly changing how it responds to emotions and deciding what is “socially acceptable.” My parent’s generation swept most emotional subjects under the rug. If it was uncomfortable, they didn’t talk about it, especially if it involved the loss of a loved one. We cannot blame our care takers because they might not be aware of how they even manage their own emotions. As I said in my Enneagram post, use this tool to have more compassion on others and not as a weapon against others.
Plasticity- Our brains our mold-able
Like I stated earlier, though, our EQ can change as we grow. We can learn how to manage our emotions and learn how to manage them in our relationships, whether personal or professional.
Imagine how much more we will grow if we are actively working toward growing our skills to manage our emotions and relationships. This starts with being mindful everyday of our emotions and being conscious on how we respond to them. We are not perfect and we will never have a perfect EQ score. We will make mistakes, we will have outbursts, we will not handle every emotion correctly, but we can learn from our mistakes.
Our relationships and work environments would be much healthier if these EQ skills were practiced by everyone. Studies have shown the couples that have higher EQs have a higher chance of staying together, and businesses that encourage EQ skills have a lower turn-over rate and happier employees.
So what now?
I would highly encourage everyone to read this book. It will change the way you view your emotions, relationships, and potential. If you are looking for a promotion, if your relationships are struggling, if you are wanting to be a better manager or leader, or a better parent, this book will help. It is an easy read ( I read it in less than two days) and has captivating stories of why emotional intelligence is relevant in our everyday lives.
If you buy this book, there is also a code on the inside that grants access to the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal. It will give a detailed report of what each quadrant means and how to improve your emotional intelligence. The site is also protected, so it won’t share your results with anyone and will be password protected. This access also comes with other great resources to continue learning about emotional intelligence!
If you are not satisfied with your EQ score, remember that YOU CAN CHANGE IT. Don’t let it discourage you or use it as an excuse, use it as a motivator to learn and grow!
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